I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
