dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
