I'm going to jail i love you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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