he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
