Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
