problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
