Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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