just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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