My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We have started to decorate penises.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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