This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
