i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
