Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
