so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
me + whiskey = a bad person
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
