you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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