Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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