Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
