don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
