i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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