dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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