Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
