K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
