I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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