i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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