Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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