omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
