please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
