he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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