My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize