I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
