scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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