She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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