A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
