Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
