From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
