4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
