Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
