The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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