She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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