Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
