I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize