apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
