if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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