I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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