For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
