as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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