Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
