Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
