Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
