How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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