it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
