I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
