I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize