i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
