I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
