How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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