I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
