Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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