i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
