So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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