Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
