My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
