Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize