I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
