I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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