Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
