Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
