U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
