Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
