i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
