i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
