There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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