Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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