i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
