You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
