Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
