The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
