HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
this is an emotional support booty call
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
