So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
