I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
