The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
