it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
