So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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