did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
